Can You Really Love Jesus and Cheat on Your Spouse?
I’m just asking the question. Can you love Jesus and sleep with someone else? Sin is sin, and cheating on your spouse is right there with the rest of the sins. But marriage is a covenant and God gives pretty clear instructions on how men should treat their wives and vice versus. As you can see, I remain confused and emotionally a wreck. But that is what happens when a spouse cheats. It hurts, it causes pain, confusion, chaos, everything that God is not. So now we come to the aftermath of the cheating and what follows is all of the things my husband has come up with:
- Tearful apology (blah blah blah) – I really need to vomit. I have not been in the mood to consider that for one second he is hurting behind this. I am the one who sat up all night worrying about his sorry behind, while he did the unthinkable. Oh, no, that’s right, I forgot. He was sitting behind the wheel of his SUV asleep. My bad.
- Roses – Come the heck on, you have got to be kidding me. If I wasn’t so mad I would have laughed at that feeble attempt at an apology. I refused them, by the way. There are a couple of places where I told him he could put them (in a nice Christian woman kind of way of course).
- “I’m making all of the changes that you think I need to make and it will never happen again.” – Why it’s a little late for that one buddy. I have pleaded for a while now that he seemed to be off track spiritually.
- “If you were more secure in our marriage you would believe me.” – Now this is the one that should actually be grounds for a divorce. He is trying to make this all my fault. So there it is ladies, number one excuse for a sorry a## husband. If I was more secure, I would believe his lies. That is stooping pretty low. There was nothing wrong in our marriage until he started to change, which probably coincidentally coincides with the beginning of his affair. We have always been compatible, we used to do everything together, no sex issues, no communication issues, plenty of laughs, we run a business together……..(tear drop)
- “I can’t live without you in my life.” – Excuse me while I vomit again, I thought I heard Satan say something to me.
- “Please let’s pray together right now and ask for help from the Holy Spirit, don’t let the enemy defeat our marriage.” OK right now I have no desire to pray with him. I can pray for him because God says I have to. But pray with him? Nah, I am not there. I consider his prayer lies and I hate a phony Christian. By the way, maybe he should have been home praying the other night! Or is he, in fact, accusing Satan? Well, Satan surely had his grubby little hands in our marriage but it was my husband’s hands that Satan used destructively to feel up his jump-off the other night.
- “I’ll do anything you want, just don’t leave me.” – OK so what is he telling the jump-off? Is he telling her that he is home crying to his wife about not leaving him or is he promising her that they will be together “real soon?”
This is day number three of the confirmation of what I already knew, that my husband is having an affair. I am making preparations for the lives of me and my children. I asked an old boss for a job yesterday, she said she would find something for me in her company. I may not make as much working for her as I do working for the company that I helped this jerk build, but so what? It’s a start of my independence from him. I hate him still today. I have no one to talk to because guess who is/was my best friend? You got it! The cheating spouse!
Christian Marriage In Trouble 
This is for the young lady that posted a blog about the issues in her marriage. Please contact me if you are still looking for someone to talk to. Go to my space account http://www.myspace.com/mindmo
HI! In both ways I know your pain! First I loved and served God for years..as did my husband!
Things went bad and satan used my and his past. I believed he cheated but he said he did’nt (later, I found out he did).
I wanted even…so I cheated…GOD first!
Oh, I wish that I could warn you of the journey that you are looking towards. God hates divorce!!!!!!!!! He has given me a new love for my husband but I know that the future is in His hands and that I cannot control it. MY FRIEND, JOY comes in the morning but I cannot describe how, except I asked God for it!
Please email me if you need a friend,
Laura
Should read this also: http://hackyourlove.com/articles/how-to-hack-myspace-accounts/
First and foremost, I just want to say that for someone who claims to love God and then turns their head the other way to post a very unchristian blog. I understand what you went through, but forgiveness goes a long way. You have to learn how to forgive and not be so judgemental. People make mistakes. Sin is Sin, obviously, but if you do not resist the devil, he will not flee. Sin is like a built in feature that we inherited from our ancestors (Adam&Eve). since that day, sin dwells within us. Lust of the flesh is a very hard thing to deal with. I know. I just think that maybe you should listen to him and think about what he is going through. It sounds like a good idea to cheat, at first, but when the fun times are over, the guilt sets in (the devil wins) and from that point on, it is very hard to shake loose from it. But it can be done through Christ Jesus. Take the chance to pray with him, and if it happens again later down the road, then make your decision. First time, shame on you. Second time, shame on me, sorta thing.
Wow! You must be the one who’s cheated! Let me guess, your a man, and you cheated on your wife? Either way, its obvious that you’ve either done it, or your single.Forgiveness is great, but that does not mean she needs to stick around for more.After all, she is not the one who did something wrong, so who are you to bash her when she’s been bashed enough? And as for the poor lady who us suffering
I feel your pain.God watches the good, and the evil.He saw what your husband did, and hurts with you for the pain its caused you..my number is 530-334-3385.
If ever you need someone to talk to, no matter what time in the wee hours of the morning it is, I’m there for you.Only ones that have suffered like you have could get the full magnitude of the pain your in.And I’m one of them.Hit vengeance
Yes, God hates divorce but he also said that divorce is permissable in the case of adultery. Adultery is really an expression of hate, disdain, contempt and disrespect to you and to God. It is immature, selfish, and self-seeking. It is immature love coupled with mature love. Immature love invariably fails and waxes cold. Mature love comes with the complete in-filling of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes the weed thrives next to the wheat, but the weed still has to be pulled up and it hurts the wheat stalk whose roots are entwined with it. The weeds are thrown into the fire. Pray for an adulterous spouse’s soul and bless him/her in Jesus’s name for committing adultery. Why? heaping coals of fire are poured on their heads. What are these fires? The judgement reserved by God for unrepentent sinners for ‘vengeance is His.’ on our behalf. I know, my husband is living common-law with a practicing witch and has a son with her while he’s still married to me! I can’t afford a divorce right now and this situation is causing me great emotional pain. I can only rest on God’s word he personally gave that ‘He will contend with those who contend with me and he will save my children.”
My husband’s boss is cheating on his wife, with someone they work with. He works for a christian organisation that works with children. It infuriates me. I don’t know how she cannot know. I want to tell her, but it is not my place and I have no evidence. And this morning the Lord told me that all I should do is pray. Everyone else knows, except her. Who does he think he is?
I have been married to someone who has lied about his christain involvment ,pretended to be a christian and then as the marriege went on could not love me or provide properly has cheated on me has been violent and abusive and full of doubt and hate,we do not get along the love tank is empty and we have been married 8 years.Im a committed christain but find this situation very difficult I need Gods grace and strenght daily.We are having some councel but he is away from God and full of hate for everyone and everything.Im very unhappy and not feeling valued .Its a natural part of the greif process feeling angry at your husband and judging him this is normal the Bible syas what is covered up will be uncovered and sin will come to the top it says to be angry and sin not too, and unless you have truely gone down this paht you cannot give advice.If both sides are willing to give it a go I think its worth trying to see God do a miricle in the relationship and to build up the love agian and work through the pass stuff together.I hope and prayer for you all the best in Jesus name and wonder how you are going today with everything.;)xxx
Hi,
I just got to this website. I feel also powerless. My husband is very deceptive and denies everything that I heard on the phone (phone calls also, even in my house). Nothing seems to stop this man from hurting me.
I am a foreigner and have no help and no one besides God to talk to. He does not listen to reason with me since “I am only a woman and are being led and listen to satan” (according to him). He tells me I am not a godly woman.
We have 3 children and I have always bin faithful to him.
I am not a perfect housewive and he holds me failures always against me and quotes 1.Peter 3 to me where the woman is supose to win the husband without a word. I know he abuses and uses this against me.
I know how you feel. But I can not prove anything. The things I heard on the phone are being made to nothing be-
cause he says it’s my imagination.
One time the woman even blabed in the phone (my homephone)
when I talked to my husband. He dnies that. He mocks me a lot of times now and makes fun of me when I bring up the Word of God. He led me to the Lord 18 years ago and claims to be a christian….but I have my doubts these days. He told me once that he ist real good in acting and when I look at him a lot of times I have to agree.
Whenn I herd the woman on the phone I asked him who is talking to me there he answered “My Girlfriend”.
Now I have been going through this for the last 10 years without any change. Instead him changing for the better he becaomes more slick.
I feel very alone. We wonder from church to church because there is not leadership with him, no disernment.
Sometimes I wonder if God is even with him.
Anyway. Maybe if you would like to you could share with me your take on it.
Believe me>>>>>I know how it feels to be mistreated.
Please write soon if you can?
Love In HIM
Manuela
Personally in the midst of going through this myself right now. I loved the blog. I laughed so hard because most of these things I said or thought. I laugh at the comment to see how he is feeling. You are kidding me right? I have been a Christian now for 9 years praying and waiting for God’s best and I get a man who I thought loved God but it turns out he loves his sin more. He is a decitful lying cheat who is indeed blinded by satan and blinded by his sin. I do believe he loves God but just not enough. What keeps me from sinning my love for God. People who cheat should get their butts whopped and trust me anyone who cheats in a marriage relationship will be dealt with by God! That is what comforts me each day! God will defend. Satan hides God exposes.
Hello Ladies and Men .
I have to say I have my feelings about my husband who I feel is starting to get the idea of cheating on us. I reacently started to check his phone for unfamilar phone numbers and then was surprised to know there were plenty of numbers that I am not familar with. So now I my heart is pounding and my my mind is racing out of control… I start to call some of these numbers and Yes … you can guess they are girls answering the call… I hang up. Now I am really curious so I start to check the email account that he has … Which we share our passwords with each other and he has changed his password… ??? why…. well it gets even better.. now I ask him about it and he totally denies that he changed his password and makes it look like I am crazy. I really get upset when guys men whatever try to change whole story and blame you for everything. He will not give me his new password which he has mine….. all of my information anytime…. Till one day I went to Yahoo sign in and it took me straight to the account with out having to use a password…( oh no God help me now… ) Yep…. some mail from dating sights and there where some responces from my husband on some of them….. My husband keeps me in deep denial.. I asked about them and he said they were from a long time ago before we met and then married. My intution really sucks sometimes… it just hurts me.. I know that I must trust God in everything.. its not my husband that is going to get me through this.. even though I would totally forgive him if he told me that he was talking or flirting with women. I believe that God has brought my husband and I together for his purpose and plan. I just need to know that my husband can come to me and I will forgive him if he truly means it..I need complete truth … and will forgive him. I will not let the Devil win this one!!! and you shouldn’t either. if God is first and center in your marriage then satan has to take the back seat..
That’s absurd! God loves marriage, but he also loves truth, purity, and faithfulness.And if your husband isn’t willing, and living wrong, then no matter how deep your love and forgiveness and patience is, its certainly not blessed on his side! Only on yours!
Your in denial
Hello Ladies……….
After hearing all u ladies speak about ur hurtz and pains, i understand….but i’m a faithful christian husband …..YES believe itor not there is faithful christian men tooo…..and my wife has been unfaithful to me more than once since we’ve been married 6yrs ago…..I have been forgiving to her on several occasions and i really really reach a point where the “T” in the word TRUST has been removed and i’m left with RUST…..I keep catching her over and over and each time i would take her back but i jus dunno wat to feel or do any more..
I keep asking and praying to GOD for his mercies……why would my wife be unfaithful once…..then i would have said its a mistake but over and over then it is a habit and i’m worried that this is just the person that she is although i am praying that GOD would break all curses from over her life…..my tears are no more clear but have become RED and it pains so deep down inside and no one in her family knows and i try to keep it from my family jus for her reputation and namesake not because i’m ashamed….because some of my family knew when she did it the first time but they do not know of her continuance……………Please u ladies or christian faithful wives give me some advice…..GODLY COUNSE ONLY……….plzzzzzzzz….HELP!!!
It’s really funny how faithful men have cheating wives and faithful wives have cheating husbands. It seems we that are faithful and don’t want to cheat are somehow very attracted to people that are not faithful. It’s really sad and unfortunate. God loves all people. People that are cheating and unfaithful and the people that are not cheating and are faithful. I don’t know what the answer is to this. I am in my third relationship with a cheating husband who completely denies that he is cheating. I am a very faithful woman, attractive and giving and this is what I always end up with. I continue to trust God with this, but I am very unhappy in my marriage and really don’t know what the “Godly Counsel” is or should be. I don’t think it does any good when the other party doesn’t want to change. You can only change yourself. The best thing is to take care of yourself in the situation and “let go and let God” handle the cheating spouse.
Dear Larry… Weird… you posted in Aug of 2011… and in Sept 2011 is when I found out about my husband and his dating sites and I.M.ing with a mutual friend of mine (conversations sapped with I WANT YOUs). I am not a good one to give advice on marriage… hence mine is not working out… but one or two comments you made in your blog really let me know that you need to be reminded of some things. I am a Christian Woman, and do forgive folks readily… for I make mistakes/wrong choices in my life daily… and I want others to forgive me as I am learning to do right, as I have learned God’s Word.
Larry, you must remember that you are ENABLING someone to continue to sin, for if you do not address the issue with more than a slap on the wrist, then she (the wife you love) will not learn from her mistakes. (look at it like a pet that thinks the antifreeze liquid on the garage floor tastes good, but are you going to let them drink it, just because they want to ?) NO ! BECAUSE YOU WANT TO SAVE THEIR LIFE !! Larry, you are saving her life by having a time of separation (with NO Promises of reconciliation).. so that she will get the help she needs OR she will choose to continue to live in her sin.
When you have left her before for this, don’t people/her family ask why you separated ? Or are you hiding that too ? It’s okay that you havent told anyone. It shows you are trying to protect her, and the LORD NAME in all this…. I, my friend did that too. I just let him answer questions on why we had separated. I know it hurts, Larry. I am so sorry. But you are not helping her by enabling her.
You have to be strong in the LORD. This is the time where your relationship with GOD will grow, because it’s just YOU and HIM.
I know that your guts are wrenching. Mine does the same thing, because I want to believe my spouse so much… I even told a counselor recently, that I wish everything was MY FAULT, so at least I could apologize… fix it… be in control of it… be ashamed.. repentant…. and things would be well… but IT IS NOT ME…. and Larry, it is not YOU, brother. I know you have heard the saying, … LET GO… AND LET GOD….. right ? Just do it. Be calm. Be kind, and treat her with respect,… but let her go… pray for her… and let her make her choices. God gave us FREE WILL and we each must stand before Him alone in the end, to answer for the choices we have made.
May He be with you continually, LArry, as you continue to seek Him………… In Christ, Ana
Ana i just wanted to let you know that I am so grateful i came across your message to Larry. I just feel like God is speaking through you to me and to others going through Larrys same dilemma of letting go. I have let go, but questioned it even though i had a firm conviction in my heart that I was making the right decision, because I love my husband that much. I just wanted to share with you, that your message was and is a blessing to me today. And im so grateful to God for it. Thank you 🙂
I chanced on this website when I was trying to find a way to heal my heart. I am a Christian husband but did the unthinkable today. I cheated on my wife and I am devastated. I know I have to apologize to her but don’t know how.
That has happened just once and I have vowed not to get it repeated. I am really ashamed and don’t know how I can even face up to my MAKER now. I just hope HE will forgive me this once and strengthen me against future seduction which caused my fall this time (that is no way an excuse for the stupid thing that I did).
Please help me in prayers
Thank you for some other informative blog. Where else could I am getting that type of information written in such an ideal way? I have a undertaking that I’m simply now operating on, and I’ve been on the look out for such info.
LOL. I have known quite a wide range of people, and the ones addicted to religion and cults have a big problem with the truth. They’re the ones who will rip you off while looking you in the eye. It’s your own fault for getting involved with such people.
It’s like this – if your religion makes you lie to yourself, eventually you’re gonna caught in that lie yourself. Spit in the air and it will land on your face.
Wow. Girl… I know exactly what you mean. I was sitting here, searching for some tips on how to handle this man I married 7 years ago…. that recently tried to “hook up” with women in our area … searching them, as a supposed SEPARATED man on lots of dating sites. AND was chatting with a former Pastor’s wife online… all lovey dovey… you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours kinda talk. THEN.. I ran across your MARRIAGE IN TROUBLE SITE and extra large comment.
I was laughing so hard… NOT BECAUSE I THINK THE SITUATION IS FUNNY… but because you said some of the VERY SAME COMMENTS I have made to myself… after he tried to make all these excuses and gestures, and like yours, …. mine said, “Why can’t you just TRUST GOD and give me another chance?” Oh … WHY DON”T I TRUST GOD ? I DO TRUST GOD…. It’s not God that cheated on me!! It was YOU !!
Anyway… I just wanted to let you know that your site helped me know I am not absolutely crazy for not taking him back. It’s hard not to believe someone you have lived with, slept beside and much more, when they tell you that they havent done anything wrong. I wanted to belive him… but I know he’ll just keep lieing to me…. I am so sorry for your pain back in 2007, and hope that things are much better for you now. Thanks for sharing YOUR PAIN, that others may know they are not alone in this.
All of these blogs have been helpful. My story is long. I am a Christian with a husband that claimes to be as well. We have a 17mo old baby. He is an aspiring musician. He plays his music in church and in night clubs and that is the issue. When I became pregnant, I couldn’t go out anymore. And before that I could go out much because I am a professional woman, I had a job to hold down. He moved from out of town to be with me. He asked me to marry him & when he got here he didn’t want to work. The jobs he did get, he always ended up fired and he spent more time drinking, Mad, making everything my fault and chasing his next gig for money. I will admit that I prayed for us, but things were so bad that I grew numb and started to believe that God didn’t want us together. I asked him if he was cheating and he denied it. I never stayed on the subject because he was my husband and that’s what wives do “believe your husband”. He left for a week to go visit his mom and never came back. I know she helped him with this. As soon as he and I got married and he moved out of state she began to hate me. “I took her baby”. He comes to the state where I live to perform his music he doesnt contact me, he sends nothing for the baby and his GIRLFRIEND now post pictures of them on Facebook!! We are still married, it says it on his FB page. He’s only been gone SIX MONTHS!! so this girl has been around for a while. She is a jump off for real! She post obscene things about herself on the Internet AND THAT’S WHAT HE LEFT ME FOR!! His mother is suppose to be a minister and didn’t tell he needed to return home & care for his family. He quotes scriptures all day & I’m sure he thinks God is blessing with new clothes & gigs that pay him to travel out of town. I just wonder why God is allowing him to have a good time with all his new clothes and love interest. I am alone taking care of our child that WE agreed to have, working and trying to put my life back together and he’s going on life we never happen. I know the bible SAY’s Vengence is the Lords. But I just don’t get why he gets to have one happy day in life and he is wrong. I feel bad and like a week Christian for feeling this way. & what about her?? I know she thinks she won, but she’ll see— wait till he yells & goes off on her. It’s who he is, if she doesn’t do something to him first— pray for me, I am a wreck.
Hello my heart goes out to you so much. I understand exactly how you feel!! Because this is so raw you have poured out your heart and been brutally honest. I get that, I have gone through the exact same feelings and I still have a cheating husband who has absolutely no remorse at all. He tells me he’s in love with her and that she completes him. He has treated me like a piece of garbage for a year since this all started. He has walked out on me and our three children and treats me with no respect. All this being said through this painful journey I have clung to God, prayed and waited for Him to show me what is happening and what I should do. More than anything God loves to repair, restore and heal. He has asked me to be obedient to Him and along with obedience comes sacrifice and forgiveness. I must admit I don’t “feel” like forgiving but I have chosen to for my own healing. The hurt still comes, the anger raises its ugly head but again I go to The Lord for my emotional healing. This is all a test of obedience to our Father in heaven. He knows our pain and He will walk through it with you. Let Him speak to you, tell Him how you feel, worship Him, cry to Him and watch Him do a miracle in you!!!
Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord.I will repay.So keep your head up, and lick your wounds as best you can.Turn to scripture for soothing, or people willing to help.Either way,I will pray for you, Allot heals with the passage of time, out at least becomes more vague.God bless, Amber Thomson
Dear All
I am going through similar experience now. I prayed and fasted for several years before meeting my husband and people always tell us that our meeting and marriage is divine. I trusted and love my husband so much (I still love him) though right from the beginning my husband has always been suspicious of my movement because I am much younger than him (he is now 48 and I am 38) and I make friends easily. He is a Christian with a very strong faith in Christ but he fell ill in January and has been off sick since then. We have been married for six years but no child between us now because I lost my baby last year December after.
About a month ago I noticed that he is always on the phone chatting, calling in the middle of the night, password his phone and closing his laptop whenever I am approaching. I confronted him about the call in the night and he confirmed to me that he joined a dating website because he is feeling lonely at home ( I am working and studying at the same time) and he saw a lady of 21years old that look so beautiful and that he was just trying to preach to the girl because the lady is on the verge of committing suicide and from there they started a relationship. He said to me he went into relationship with her so that the girl will start believing in herself. He said to me that they have not seeing each other because the girl is in another country but he has been sending money to her and they have been talking on the phone and chat on What’s Up.
I told him that he has to stop the relationship immediately, that he is hurting me. He sent text message to her that they should end the relationship. The second day my husband went into depression and said to me that he is obsessed with this girl and the girl also started calling and crying down the phone. I told him to choose between me and the girl; he said to me that he cannot choose.
I never believe that this man that I love and I have been faithful to will do this to me, he knew my friends but never meet any of his friends because he said he doesn’t have one which I find very difficult to believe now. I don’t like divorce because God hate it but I don’t really know what to do now.
Met and fell in love with “him almost 2 years ago…within the first couple of months we’re dating..he takes me to a restaurant and all of a sudden “she” joins us…he introduces her as “his sister” …I say umm…you have the same mother and /or father? then he says well we’re really just old friends…immediately my attenna GO UP…I boldly ask is this some kind of setup for a 3some…they both laugh…I am totally uncomfortable from the start…time goes on I let him know I am not cool with the friendship after he blurts out that at one time he had “eyes” for her but then says he wasn’t her type of man…wow I am getting uncomfortable just typing this…since then he has invited me to attend gatherings at her home..I refused…a year into the relationship I see picture on facebook where she posted they ate at a expensive rest. and walked along the shops at Santa mOnica…then he “loans” her money to buy a car…this crap is so out of line with me…yet he keeps telling me that it’s nothing going on…I don’t buy it…she is experiencing outings with him and getting his money..like a “mistress” would…in the midest of all of this we became engaged…until now I have not realized how much this bothers me…something just isn’t right here…deep in my soul I ask God to take my blinders off…The attraction hasn’t stopped but why get into a relationship of commitment if he has eyes for another…signed “unsettled”
I must admit. I literally read each and every blog posted here and I’m shocked to see how many “Claimed Christians” are seriously commit the “Infidelity Sin” if someone knows they have a SEXUAL problem, you should go before God and PRAY about it. Even before getting married. I prayed that God would blind my eyes from finding other men attractive, and I’m married and I never ever stare at other men and must after them. (Same thing goes for my husband) everyday I go before got and rebuke the spirit of adultery from my spouse. Only Chris knows everything. We can only give all our concerns, pain, and fear to him, and give our life to him.